This Woman "Refused" To Give Her Boyfriend Her Bank Account Info So He Could Buy His Kids Gifts, Sparking Debate (2024)

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How couples handle their money can often be a major point of contention. We've talked about it again and again and again, and yet here we are once more. Recently, I was scrolling through the r/AmItheAsshole subreddit — where people go to share their personal experiences and ask other users who was wrong in the given situation — and found this story by u/Dices1433, who has been dating her boyfriend for eight months. For context, u/Dices1433 — whom we'll call Dices for short — said her boyfriend is a single dad with three children, and they usually take turns spending money on each other during dates. However, she's recently started feeling uncomfortable with how often he likes her to pay for his children. "Several times he had me pay for his kids' purchases," Dices said. "I didn't make a big issue out of it for the sole reason that those purchases were relatively small. All I had to pay was $30–$60." Dices explained, "The other day, he called me while I was at work and sounded like he was in a hurry. He said he just found the gaming device he's been looking for for so long and wanted to buy it for his oldest son. I asked what this has to do with me, and he told me he was short on money and needed $300. He asked me to lend him the $300, and I hesitated but agreed." She continued, "He asked for my bank account info so he could pull the money, but I refused and told him to wait for me until I get there. He insisted and said he'd handle it — that all I had to do was just send him my bank account info." Dices said, "I found him sitting outside after I went home. He was waiting for me and was extremely upset. He asked why I didn't just send him the account info so he could pull the money we agreed on. I told him I don't feel comfortable letting anyone have my personal info, especially when it comes to finances. He got offended and said, 'I'M NOT JUST ANYONE, I'M YOUR F'ING PARTNER!'" Obviously, commenters immediately told Dices that her boyfriend was crossing an extreme line, especially considering how short a time they've been together: Others quickly agreed, pointing out that there's no reason to share bank account information if one doesn't want to: On top of the fact that these are not Dices's children, she also does not owe her boyfriend access to her personal information just because they're in a relationship. Nor does she owe him an apology: And finally, commenters felt that Dices was being gaslit and made to believe she was wrong when she clearly wasn't. This, they say, is more than enough of a warning, and she should leave the relationship immediately: Shortly after posting and reading through the comments, Dices provided readers with an update on her situation: "I went to his place and talked to him and his oldest son — turns out that the gaming device thing was a lie," she said. Now she says she'll reevaluate the relationship and move on from there. What do you think about all this? Let me know in the comments. FAQs

    "He said he just found the gaming device he's been looking for for so long and wanted to buy it for his oldest son. I asked what this has to do with me, and he told me he was short on money and needed $300."

    by Alexa LisitzaBuzzFeed Staff

    How couples handle their money can often be a major point of contention. We've talked about it again and again and again, and yet here we are once more.

    This Woman "Refused" To Give Her Boyfriend Her Bank Account Info So He Could Buy His Kids Gifts, Sparking Debate (2)

    Fizkes / Getty Images/iStockphoto

    Recently, I was scrolling through the r/AmItheAsshole subreddit — where people go to share their personal experiences and ask other users who was wrong in the given situation — and found this story by u/Dices1433, who has been dating her boyfriend for eight months.

    This Woman "Refused" To Give Her Boyfriend Her Bank Account Info So He Could Buy His Kids Gifts, Sparking Debate (3)

    Reddit / Via reddit.com

    For context, u/Dices1433 — whom we'll call Dices for short — said her boyfriend is a single dad with three children, and they usually take turns spending money on each other during dates. However, she's recently started feeling uncomfortable with how often he likes her to pay for his children. "Several times he had me pay for his kids' purchases," Dices said. "I didn't make a big issue out of it for the sole reason that those purchases were relatively small. All I had to pay was $30–$60."

    This Woman "Refused" To Give Her Boyfriend Her Bank Account Info So He Could Buy His Kids Gifts, Sparking Debate (4)

    Oscar Wong / Getty Images

    Dices explained, "The other day, he called me while I was at work and sounded like he was in a hurry. He said he just found the gaming device he's been looking for for so long and wanted to buy it for his oldest son. I asked what this has to do with me, and he told me he was short on money and needed $300. He asked me to lend him the $300, and I hesitated but agreed."

    NBC / Via giphy.com

    She continued, "He asked for my bank account info so he could pull the money, but I refused and told him to wait for me until I get there. He insisted and said he'd handle it — that all I had to do was just send him my bank account info."

    "His insistence made me uncomfortable, so I still said no and told him to either wait or I won't pay. He got mad at me, saying he didn't get why I was acting like this. He got so loud, I had to hang up."

    Dices said, "I found him sitting outside after I went home. He was waiting for me and was extremely upset. He asked why I didn't just send him the account info so he could pull the money we agreed on. I told him I don't feel comfortable letting anyone have my personal info, especially when it comes to finances. He got offended and said, 'I'M NOT JUST ANYONE, I'M YOUR F'ING PARTNER!'"

    "Then he went on a rant about how he ended up not paying for the gaming device after looking for it for so long, and now his kid is mad at him and it's my fault.

    "We had a fight, then he left and told me I'd better have an apology for him AND his son next time I call his phone.

    "I haven't called yet, but I feel like I acted stupidly and irrationally. I think I should've just given him the info he asked for? I don't know if I made the right decision."

    Obviously, commenters immediately told Dices that her boyfriend was crossing an extreme line, especially considering how short a time they've been together:

    "Not the asshole. You've been dating this man for less than a year. Some partners wouldn't even havemetthe kids at this point, but he's regularly dinging you for expenses related to them (which I bet won't seem quite so small if you add them all up), even thoughhe'sthe dad and that should just be part ofhisbudget automatically," useru/mm172commented. "Now he wants you to cover a major purchase that innouniverse can be considered essential, he wants unrestricted access to your bank account to do this, and he's somehow madeyoufeel like the unreasonable one for trying to pump the brakes and propose alternatives. Throw the whole man out."

    Others quickly agreed, pointing out that there's no reason to share bank account information if one doesn't want to:

    "That has red flag written all over it. The request to pay for his kids. 🚩 The demand for money. 🚩 The demand for your account info. 🚩 The anger when told no. 🚩 The demand for an apology. 🚩 The waiting outside your house. 🚩 Only eight months into the relationship to ask for money. 🚩

    "With Zelle, Venmo, etc., there is no need to give anyone your account info. PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS! It’s how people get all their money stolen. Rethink this relationship. It will only get worse," useru/LouisV25said.

    "Like holy hell, do not give away your info,"u/Majestic-Seesaw9362agreed."I've known my partner for like 25 years, been married almost half that time. We do not share bank info with each other! And we literally have nothing to hide from each other. There is simply no reason why we'd be sharing bank log-ins."

    On top of the fact that these are not Dices's children, she also does not owe her boyfriend access to her personal information just because they're in a relationship. Nor does she owe him an apology:

    "The fact that he thinks you're at fault for him not being able to buy a gaming system for his son is ludicrous. You don't owe him or his son *anything.* Not money and not an apology. Please protect yourself and seriously reconsider this relationship," useru/GoblinGeorgesaid.

    And finally, commenters felt that Dices was being gaslit and made to believe she was wrong when she clearly wasn't. This, they say, is more than enough of a warning, and she should leave the relationship immediately:

    "Dices is being gaslit by her boyfriend,"u/Consistent_Rent_3507said."He waited outside her home to light into her for not giving him her bank account info? And he expects her to apologize to him and his son because he didn’t have enough money to buy an unnecessary gaming device? Dices, you’re being manipulated and made to feel guilty for being rational. He’s using you. It’s only the beginning. But it’s up to you whether you allow it to continue. Drop this loser and move on."

    Shortly after posting and reading through the comments, Dices provided readers with an update on her situation:

    "I went to his place and talked to him and his oldest son — turns out that the gaming device thing was a lie," she said.

    "He wanted the money for something else: to help pay for one of his buddies' car repair. I was shocked when he confessed. You can only imagine my reaction after this. I just blew up at him and left without giving him any chance to respond."

    Now she says she'll reevaluate the relationship and move on from there.

    What do you think about all this? Let me know in the comments.

    This Woman "Refused" To Give Her Boyfriend Her Bank Account Info So He Could Buy His Kids Gifts, Sparking Debate (2024)

    FAQs

    Can I give my girlfriend access to my bank account? ›

    Banks allow you to designate someone to be a “signor” on your account. That means that this person can write checks and make withdrawals from your bank account while you are living – without the need of having a signed Power of Attorney for Property Document.

    Can I let my boyfriend use my bank account? ›

    You can open a joint bank account regardless of your marital status. Although keeping joint accounts works well for some couples, it can be risky for others. First, both account holders can spend from joint accounts without limit, regardless of how much each has contributed.

    What bank details should you not give someone? ›

    Also, you should never share your personal banking details, such as PIN, card number, card expiry date and CVV number (that's the three digit number, which, in Starling's case can be found on the right side of the signature strip).

    Is it illegal to let someone use my bank account? ›

    If in fact, you allow someone to commit fraud using your account as a place to commit the crime, then you can be an accessory. The details would separate how involved you were, but in general, simply don't do banking business by loaning your numbers to other people. It's very simple and keeps control of your money.

    Should married couples have access to each other's bank accounts? ›

    Ask financial planners about the benefits of joint checking accounts, and they will likely point out that shared accounts foster communication and trust. In order to manage money together successfully, couples must be open about their financial wants, worries and goals.

    Should you share bank account with girlfriend? ›

    Key takeaways

    Couples who share expenses should consider a joint bank account to track spending. Even if both partners are different types of spenders and savers, joint accounts show you where your money is coming in and going out.

    Should I give my partner access to my bank account? ›

    Maintaining separate bank accounts can make it easier for both of you to work on your individual goals because each person has more control over their money. You might consider having one joint bank account if you're also working on shared financial goals, like building a shared emergency fund.

    Can an unmarried couple share a bank account? ›

    Joint bank accounts are available for couples, whether married or not, as long as both people are approved to open an account by the financial institution. You can open a shared account by applying for a joint checking or savings account together, or you might be able to add a co-owner to your individual account.

    Do I have a right to my husbands bank account? ›

    Only the account holder has the right to access their bank account. If you have a joint bank account, you both own the account and have access to the funds. But in the case of a personal bank account, your spouse has no legal right to access it.

    What bank info should you never give out? ›

    If a fraudster knows your routing number they can easily tell which financial institution your funds are at, putting you at risk of phishing attempts. If a criminal has both your routing number and account number they can potentially steal money from your account through fraudulent ACH transfers and payments.

    Can you be scammed without giving bank details? ›

    Social engineering scammers can get people to give money from their accounts without the scammer ever knowing the account numbers.

    When someone asks for bank details, what do you give them? ›

    Full name. 6-digit sort code. 8-digit account number.

    Is it illegal to share someone's bank information? ›

    Under California law, financial service companies must get your permission first, before they can share your personal financial information with outside companies. This does not apply to sharing with outside companies that offer financial products or services.

    What is considered bank account abuse? ›

    Account abuse is when a bank believes that a consumer has not complied with the terms of that account (e.g., unpaid overdrafts or unpaid fees). Fraud includes instances that the bank or credit union says were intentional consumer fraud (e.g., check fraud).

    What is a mule account? ›

    Mule accounts are bank accounts that facilitate illegal transactions by receiving and transferring funds from unlawful activities. In India, these accounts are often opened by individuals who offer their bank accounts for a fee, making detection difficult during the onboarding process.

    Can I give my partner access to my bank account? ›

    You can add someone to your existing personal checking or savings account quite easily, transforming it into a joint account where you both have equal access. But just because you can doesn't mean you should, so here are some important points to consider before adding someone to your bank account.

    What happens if I give someone access to my bank account? ›

    If someone gains access to your bank account and routing numbers, they can use the information to fraudulently withdraw or transfer money from your account. They can also create fake checks, claim your tax return or commit other forms of financial fraud.

    Can I open a bank account and give someone else access? ›

    Yes, you can typically open an account for a minor or joint account holder. However, both parties will need to be present to open the account. It's also possible to open an account on behalf of someone else if you're their power of attorney.

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